Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
