when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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