Your face is a jimmy john
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
