so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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