I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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