my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
