I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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