Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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