Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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