I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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