Duck Duck Cougar?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
