I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
