dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
