I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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