'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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