she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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