I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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