i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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