he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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