I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
