all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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