i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
