i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
