is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
