Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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