Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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