someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
