ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
