Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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