She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
