The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
