recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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