Please, let me fuck your mom
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
