How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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