WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fuck appropriateness.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
