oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
