I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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