You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
