I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
