i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
