I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
