i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
