I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
