so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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