it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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