I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
