Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
