shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
