How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
