I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
