Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
