Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
