I got chris browned last night
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
