I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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