The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
