you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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