I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
