Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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