Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
