Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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