dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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