I just cut my nipple shaving
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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