the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
