At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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